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My Children

Ever since my children were born, I’ve been having this innate fear of losing them. I’m not talking about death or them leaving the nest one day. I’m talking about the inevitable event where they start to grow apart from you as they transition into their teenage years.

They will prioritize friends and adulthood over you and as a parent, this must be devastating. No more will they want to hug and cuddle with you as they used to when they were little. They would prefer to hang-out with their friends instead of spending time with you. Of course they would occasionally join you to the mall, grocery shopping and stuff but there will be this gap that we feel as the distance between us grows larger and larger over the years. Before you know it, they graduate school and leave the nest and you will ask yourself “how the hell did they grow up so fast?”

My routine is to go to work, get home, have dinner with the family and close the day off with some coffee and Youtube alone in the guest room for a few hours before going to bed (my family calls this room “the cave”). I spend decent time with the kids on weekends but more often than not, when the downtime hits, I end up isolating myself in the “cave” again, satisfying my internet addiction via the laptop.

This made me realize how much precious time with the kids I have been deliberately missing. I say I dread the day when they start to grow distant but at the same time, I am the one who have been self-isolating due to exhaustion and that precious ‘me time’ that I hold so dearly.

This is why from this point on, I vow to be present with them as much as I can. I must stop taking the time with these kids for granted. I want to enjoy their company as much as they enjoy mine. I want to enjoy their relentless attention. I want to be involved in their playtime. They just love spending time with me and while they still do, I must appreciate every inch of it because I know this will not last forever.

To my dear children, never forget that I love you.

I hope you believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.

When life tries to knock you down, I will always have your back. 

I can't promise to be here for the rest of your life.

But what I can promise is that I'll love you for the rest of mine.

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